'She always managed to smile': ing our daughter, Danielle

Somebody once told me that when you lose the baby you longed for, you don’t get through the pain by forgetting; you survive the grief by ing.

“That is so true,” says Maria McGrath, who lost her precious little girl, Danielle, on March 12, 2016.

“ing Danielle is the main reason we go to ‘ing with Love’, which is a service of remembrance for families who have experienced the loss of a child.”

The service takes place this year on Friday, March 7 at 7pm in the Sacred Heart Church on Western Road.

All parents, families, and children are warmly invited to attend this special service which is returning to an in-person service following the pandemic.

Maria and her husband Michael have always ed their daughter with love and pride.

“Nine years ago, eight days before her second birthday, we lost our little daughter who was born with an extremely rare disorder,” says Maria.

She lives in Carrigaline and is mum to twins, Shannon and Tyler, eight in May, and to Dylan, four.

A busy household!

“You can say that again!” says Maria laughing.

“I have to shut myself away in a room to talk to you!”

We talk about Danielle.

“She was born in CUMH where she was incubated and then she had to go to Temple Street Hospital.”

Danielle was never alone.

“A beautiful nurse from Cork travelled in the ambulance with her to Dublin,” says Maria.

Maria and Michael thought of what might have been, could have been, should have been.

“Danielle was never going to speak. She was never going to walk.”

She did other things.

“For a little girl in pain all the times, she always managed to smile all of the time.”

She was daddy’s girl.

“She loved when Michael was around her.”

And she teased her mother.

“Danielle would giggle if I coughed or if I was sick. She was unique in her own way.”

Danielle, loved so much by her parents, received immeasurable love and care from them.

“Danielle had a lot of needs,” says Maria. “For the first year she was fed via a feeding tube into her belly. She suffered seizures and she was on a fortune of medications.

“Danielle had to attend lots of medical appointments during her short life.”

There was one appointment Danielle always looked forward to being at, wasn’t there?

“There was!” says Maria.

“She loved going to granny’s house in Skehard Road. My mother and my sister were weak for her, Michael is from Cappoquin, and we enjoyed lots of visits there.”

When Danielle had to breathe with a ventilator for a month, her doctors and her parents realised there was little hope for the brave little girl who was not yet two years old.

“That was very hard to hear,” says Maria. “It was desperately hard for us.

“Nine years on, I am still crying.”

Maria shares her tears with other bereaved parents who know what loss is.

“Every year we go the Remembrance Service, and we see the familiar faces of the nurses who looked after Danielle so well,” she says.

“We meet Colette, the physio, and we meet Tyrone, the Clinical Nurse Co-Ordinator for Children with Life-Limiting Conditions. They are very special people.”

What is special about the Remembrance Service?

“We all have a bond,” says Maria.

“There is a special atmosphere. It is peaceful and loving.”

Danielle loved her parents very much.

“She gave us three more children!” says Marie.

“We are delighted! They call Danielle their ‘big’ sister.”

Death comes in many guises, and it hits everyone everywhere at one time or another.

“The death of a child is a devastating experience for parents and family ,” says Tyrone Horne, Clinical Nurse Coordinator for Children with Life-Limiting Conditions CUH.

He is one of the organisers of the Service of Remembrance.

“This multi-denominational service provides an opportunity for the hospital community to come together with parents and families to their child, to offer and to comfort one another at what will be a reflective ceremony,” says Tyrone.

“It will comprise of harmonious readings and music.”

Everyone can participate.

“There will be an opportunity for families to present a decorated keepsake, light candles in memory of their child, write an inscription in the ‘Book of Remembrance’, and to spend some reflective time with other families who share the same journey.”

The Remembrance Service is where hospital staff and families of bereaved children can speak to each other without any barriers.

“Previous services have been reported as a great success,” says Julianne Crowley, Chaplain at CUH.

“It provides uplifting experiences for both families and staff. The event has revealed to families how much the children meant to the staff, and to staff the difference they made to those families during a most vulnerable and difficult time.”

Many people have known difficult times.

“The service is for any family whose child has died, no matter the circumstance or period,” says Julianne.

“Specific invites are, however, sent to families who have been bereaved in a certain time-frame. Families who have been bereaved outside this time-frame are also most welcome and can the team when they will receive a keepsake heart that will be part of the service if desired. Keepsake hearts will also be available on the night.”

ing With Love takes place at 7pm on March 7 at the Sacred Heart Church, Western Road. Parents and families are invited to with hospital staff and other parents for light refreshments in the ading parish centre at the end of the ceremony. There will be activities for children who attend.

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