The Longshot: Gout leaves others ailing as he goes sailing by

Back in the mid-noughties at the height of Ronaldinho’s pomp, the word from Catalonia was that the player who would sur him as the next Barcelona legend was a young lad named Messi.

Before even seeing him play, I wasn’t convinced. Someone with that name just didn’t sit on the tongue. With the first name Lionel? Maradona. Pele. “Messy?”

It was just hard to imagine, even if his surname’s Italian origins meant “messenger/messiah” rather than “tidy your room”.

Two decades later and utter the word and you think of jinks and goals rather than clothes piled on the floor.

The latest sporting phenom who will attempt to shrug off an unsuitable moniker will be Gout Gout. The 16-year-old Aussie sprinter came to the world’s attention last week when his incredible speed was on display at a schools championships down under.

And ‘incredible’ is almost an understatement. By the second half of his 100m and 200m races it almost seems as if his feet aren’t touching the ground and that he is about to go airborne.

Not exactly a velocity you associate with a crippling arthritis of the ts brought on by uric acid.

His father Bona said last week: “I know that gout is a disease but I don’t want my son to be called a disease name... it’s something that’s not acceptable.”

Bona insists that their name is actually Guot (pronounced “gwot”) and that the misspelling was down to an istrative error, that the Sudanese government made the mistake in the Arabic spelling when he and the sprinter’s mother fled to Egypt.

The family’s destination had meant to be Canada, but Australian Government documents arrived first, and they were soon landing in Brisbane (where Gout Gout was born near and where the Olympics will be held in 2032).

His parents have claimed they will fix the error soon but after smashing the Aussie 200m national record (that Peter Norman set all the way back at the 1968 Olympics at altitude) and beginning whispers that he might be the chosen one to challenge Usain Bolt’s legacy, it might be too late for that.

Bolt spoke last week of similarities in their running styles and must be concerned that his stunning records will come under threat before long. The Jamaican still holds the fastest times for both the 100m and 200m, set at the 2009 World Championships in Berlin.

Gout ran a wind-assisted 10.04 in his 100m final, far swifter than Bolt at the same age. The time made him the fourth fastest U18 athlete of all time, and the fifth fastest Australian of all-time. He only turns 17 next month.

The precocious speedster Gout also spoke of the comparisons: “I’m just me trying to be me. Obviously, I do run like him. I do sometimes look like him, but I’m making a name for myself, and I think I’ve done that pretty well.

“The higher I get off the ground when I’m running, it definitely feels like I’m floating. And it feels I’m just slicing into the air. It feels like basically I’m a lightning bolt.”

And that last word bring us to the contrast: the fact that Usain’s surname was perhaps the greatest feat of nominative determinism in the history of sport.

There are other instances of course: the F1 driver Scott Speed. Chris Wood banging them in at Forest. The Olympic high jumper Nathan Leeper. The Russian 400-metre hurdler Marina Stepanova. Isreali-Russian tennis player Anna Smashnova. And the most successful of all time: Margaret Court.

Larry Playfair was Canadian ice hockey player who spent more time in the penalty box than his name suggests.

Ros Canter represented the UK at equestrian at the last Olympics. Some complain only wealthy people can afford to take part in that sport and US jumper Rich Fellers could hardly argue with that.

I always liked that Andy Luck played with a horseshoe on his helmet during his six years with the Indianapolis Colts, but the most apt-named quarterback will certainly always be former Detroit Lion Chuck Long.

We should also never forget that Wolfgang Wolf was manager of Wolfsburg in the Bundesliga for five years.

Gout might not seem an appropriate name for someone so mobile. But it is only one letter from GOAT.

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Man City and Arsenal gained ground on Liverpool in the title race over the weekend, but only because the Reds’ final ever game at Goodison (where both sides have 41 wins each) was called off because of Storm Darragh.

But while those two only ate a point into the lead, Chelsea now find themselves in second and four points behind.

They dropped from the 16/1 we mentioned last week to 7/1 after an away win over Spurs. Man City have drifted out to 12/1.

Arne Slot’s men are leading on all fronts and should be refreshed after their barnstorming fixture in Newcastle last midweek, as they seek a sixth win from six when they travel to Girona tonight.

Their hosts lost 3-0 at home to Real Madrid over the weekend, who Liverpool easily dispatched last time out. The St James’ Park 3-3 kept Slot unbeaten away from home since he took the reins at Anfield. Two points clear at the top of the 36-team table and already assured of a playoff place at the very least, Liverpool now endeavour to continue a Spanish resurgence; they have won each of their last two Champions League games away to Spanish clubs after failing to triumph in any of the previous eight.

Girona have also been had some harsh reality checks on their first-ever Champions League adventure, as while they strolled to a 2-0 success over Slovan Bratislava, they have been conquered by Paris Saint-Germain, PSV Eindhoven, Feyenoord and most recently Sturm Graz, leaving them in 30th-place of 36.

Meanwhile, Real Madrid will be bidding to bounce back from successive defeats in Europe this evening.

These two sides have only met on three previous occasions, with their first two meetings coming in the last-16 stage of the 2020-21 Champions League, and Real Madrid ran out 4-1 winners on aggregate.

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Betting supremo Ivan Toney has sent signals that his time in Saudi Arabia has not been all it was cracked to be and is willing to jettison a £400,000 a week contract to return home to England.

The England striker only made the move from Brentford to the Middle East in August but after a good start goals have dried up in the desert in recent games.

He is said to have ‘motivational’ issues with performing, apparently receiving more than 10 times a week what most of us earn in a year tax free is not enough of a stimulus to find the net.

He is likely to return to London, with Tottenham the current favourites to sign him.

Arsenal most need a striker but seem less likely at the moment than Chelsea to sign him.

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After five games, Arsenal sit in seventh place in the Champions League table following three wins, a draw and a defeat.

The Gunners only drew with Fulham on Sunday but have recovered from a dip in form a few weeks ago, and are now winners of four of their last five games in all competitions, including a 5-1 win at Sporting in their last European tie.

They face Monaco at home and are 1/3 to see off the side from the Mediterranean principality.

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Paul Mescal appeared on Saturday Night Live over the weekend and had a dig at our neighbours, saying that we “don’t consider them as people at all”.

Not exactly a funny line but would it damage his chances to be the next James Bond for which he is now the 2/1 second favourite?

He would be the second man from the Midlands to portray 007, which would equal the amount of English actors to play the quintessential gentleman spy.

The Bet

The Champions League will go into hibernation for a few weeks for the winter so we’ll chance one more accumulator and go for four away wins for Liverpool, Real Madrid, Inter Milan and Aston Villa.

It should net you 33/1